Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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