You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
