I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
