Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
