why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
