that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize