Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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