the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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