I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
