so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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