Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
