id be glad to
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
