what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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