I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize