Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she told me i tasted like america
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
