i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
