So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He felt like a one man threesome
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
