he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
