Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
