Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
