don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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