Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
