did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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