i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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