i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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