I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
