More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Do vagina's smell?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize