so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I looked at my own cervix.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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