I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
