this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
