Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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