I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
