I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
