woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
