I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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