I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
