i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
