Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
