i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
