I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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