Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
vagina is talking i cant
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
