I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
