Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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