Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
