Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
