masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
