I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
