1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
BRING THE BAGELS
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
