I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
