so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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