Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
