better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
