Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
