if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
