This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You took a bar mat shot.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
