I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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