cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
