Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
