Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
