He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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