I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so let's talk penis.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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