Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
