youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
