Banned from zoo.
Again?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
