At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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